I Never Told You – Colbie Caillat

“Jane!!” I saw her walking down the hallway towards me, the moment she heard her name, she looked at me for approximately two seconds. I smiled, assuming that she’d walk straight right up, but she took her phone out her pocket, she signalled her hand telling me to wait, and faced the opposite the direction answering a call, which I doubt.

She has been acting like this ever since she sent me a letter on my birthday. According to what she wrote, I can’t read the letter until we haven’t graduated yet, even though I am dying to open the (I think) 5-page letter written in light blue stationery pad, I am refraining myself from reading it because it might spoil the fun.

It has been a week since she gave that letter, and after three days, she started acting like a teenage girl with a large amount of debt. She would always hide whenever she sees me, and whenever I tried to talk to her she’d always be busy and she’d always have someone to talk to.

Even if I wanted to talk to her about small stuff like “Where would you take your lunch?” or “Do you have an extra pen?”, she would always exert efforts to avoid me, and I find it annoying.

I sometimes just want to hold her tight and never let go until she tell me why she had to a void me, but it would be wrong. So I had to endure 3 more weeks of awkwardness and avoidance from Jane.

I spent the whole afternoon waiting for a chance to talk with Jane, but unfortunately,she had to roam around the campus to disseminate flyers for our event. I had to stay in the classroom to make sure every letters are signed by the dean. I also didn’t have the chance to go home with her, because surprisingly, she went home early, and did not even say goodbye to me. Before, she would never go home without me, even she have a chance to go home at 5 pm, she’s willing to wait for me until 9 pm or so.

The moment I got home, I left a message in her messenger: “Is there something you want to tell me? Or are you just gonna avoid me till May?” hours have passed, she didn’t answer.

The same happened the next day, I was playing counter strike with a classmate in our computer laboratory, unexpectedly she opened the door to look for her black notepad. But since I came here first, and I know she owns the notepad, I used it as my mousepad whle I play counterstrike.

Whe she came in looking for it, I immediately cancelled the game making my opponent angry.

“Dude! I was having the best game of my life.” he said.

“Hey, did somebody see my notepad? It’s black and it has cats on its cover. Lots of them.” she describes while entering the room, without looking inside.

I pulled out the notebook “This is yours, right?”

She looked at me like I was a criminal. She then ran to me and forcefully took her notebook. “Yes! That is mine. Thank you very much!” I pulled her hair just when she was about to turn her back at me.

“Ouch!!! That hurts.” she said while pulling her hair back but I was insisting.

“It wouldn’t have to if you haven’t avoided me..” I said, still pulling her hair.

“Who said I was avoiding you? You grinch!!! Hands off me Cody!”

“I won’t let go until you tell me why you have to make me chase you for a week.”

“Who told you to chase me?? Did I even ask you to?”

“No. But you made me, without even talking to me! You were so mean for not talking to me!”

“That’s why you’re hurting me??”

“Uhm, I think we have to butt in?” I heard someone for the computer laboratory.

“Nah, it’ll be over for a few hours.” Tim, one of our friends said.

“I’m not hurting you because you’re mean to me! I mean, yes you always are, but I cannot tolerate this anymore, I don’t even kno what I have done to you.”

She grabbed my hand and tried to pull my hand away from her hair. “If you would just let my hair go, I can explain to you clearly!!” she begged.

“Huh! I know you since the day you ate gummy worms, Jane. You cannot fool me.”

“If you really want to know…” her voice became calm and serious, and at this point, I started to listen. “…you’d let me off, and let me talk.”

Even though I doubt this (because I know Jane so well), I let her off. But it didn’t take her a second to think about running off. The moment I put my hand down she ran out of the room. And again, I chased her.

“JANE! WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK. JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!” I yelled at her as we ran the hallway, not minding the roaming professors and students around the campus.

“I don’t have to tell you anything!!!” she yelled back, I am approximately 2 feet near her.

“Then why do we have to chase each other in the campus at noon!!! You’re inexplicable!”

We passed on three aquarium classrooms (classrooms with transparent walls), but we don’t care. We still ran off like kids fighting over a toy.

We almost bumped into our college dean, but we acted out as if we were trying to hit the deadline.

“Will you just stop running!!?” I begged when we reached the fifth floor of the building. That’s when she stopped for 2 seconds because her notepad fell. I took that opportunity to jump two steps ahead of her and pull her hand. She was shooked. “If you just tell me what’s going on…” she interrupted me, with a question which I find funny. “Remember the letter I sent you on your birthday?”

I laughed and pulled her downwards to make her sit beside me. “Of course I do. I still haven’t opened it by the way.”

“The moment you read that letter I know it would end up like this, I mean, it always does.” I was out of breath, I don’t know if she were being serious or she was joking.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“I know I’d avoid you the moment you read the letter, so I’m trying to immerse myself to it.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” at that moment, I was thinking about reading the letter in advance, but that would me disobedience.

“You don’t ahve to wait for May anymore. Just read the letter now, or tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever you want to.”

“You really sound weird.”

“It is. It’s weird. I apologize in advance.” she stood up, I followed.

“Will you quit it? I don’t like seeing you so dramatic, especially towards me.”

“How about this? Read the letter tonight, and act as if I weren’t the one who wrote the letter?”

“What the fuck?”

“Say you promise.”

“Don’t I deserve any explanation as to why I have to do that?”

“Just say you promise!!” I hear terror in her voice, I nodded, half-heartedly.

“I do. I promise.”

We went home together, but we weren’t talking to each other. It felt as if something need sto be said, but neither one of us wants to hear nor say it.

When I got home, I immediately took her letter out of the book she gave me. I held them, it’s thick. I wonder what’s these all about. What could she say to me within a 5-page letter, why does this have to be this long?

It took me an hour to read them all.

I’m shooked.

I heard her voice throughe very line. I hear her crying through every exclamation points. I didn’t know what to do. But then I felt my heart hurt as I read through words, and I sigh in disbelief knowing that I never knew it took her this long.

Regardless of the last line of the letter : “Whatever you do, do not talk to me about this. okay!”

I dialed her number, waited for her to answer to ask “Your feelings are something I can’t ignore, how do you expect me to not talk to you about this? You should’ve told me you loved me before, I could’ve told you the same.”




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