5th Stage of Grief – Acceptance

I don’t know where this came from but I have a weird feeling that you have read or will be reading my blog posts. I don’t know, I kind of hope that you have or you will and I kind of hope you have not and will not. I still haven’t decided on that yet, but in case you have read my posts here, I don’t want you to think that I’m head over heels for you. I’m just your typical college girl who uses writing to release everything that’s bothering her. And also, please don’t think I’m pathetic because of what I wrote or how I feel, you’ll receive a long lecture on respect, feelings, and freedom, once I confirmed you do find me pathetic.

But that’s not what I came to talk about, I came here to talk about that I think I have finally reached that 5th stage of grief – Acceptance. I’ve overcome Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression (I THINK). And now, I have accepted the fact that some things are just not meant to be the wya we want them to be.

You can never be mine even if I want to. You will never like me the way I like you, and it’s okay. It really is. As long as I know that you would always be there the way you always were.

It saddens me to see our former interactions, photos. I laughed, but I’m also hurt, knowing I know how awesome you are, and here I am, I fell for you when we were the perfect friends for each other. I know right! It’s bullshit!

Some people would think that I liked you because of that certain event, but I honestly know that it’s not because of that. I know I felt something for you long before that. And it sucks, it really does!

The moment I started liking you I acted all awkward and overreacting, and I know you already have a hint of what I truly feel, I hope it does not change anything. Although I can feel right now as if you’re avoiding because you feel uncomfortable around me. I am sorry if me liking you made you feel uncomfortable, I don’t want that to happen. I just wanted to talk to you as often as I could because I know I will be misisng you once I stepped out of the university. I am so sorry if I bothered you or what, I’m sorry, I really am. I just tend to do outrageous things when I start liking people romantically. I am so sorry! I really am.

I’d refrain myself from talking with you because I know it irritates you. I am not that selfish, I would like you to know. And… uhm, yeah, sorry if people constantly tease us. I heard some of friends think we have chemistry, some even thought you also had a crush on me which I know is stupid. I know I’m awesome but I know I’m not someone you’d have a crush with.

I truly have accepted everything, it hurts, yes. I’m sorry if I ever caused any discomfort to you, but I don’t really want to avoid you. I have been trying to act as if nothing is happening but I guess I really am programmed to act the way I feel.

I really feel guilty, but what can I do. I never imagined that I would like you. This is all a sick joke. I wish this could just stop in a snap.

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